I remember / je me souviens

I remember / je me souviens

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For those limbic bursts of nostalgia, invented by Proust, miniaturized by Nicholson Baker, and freeze-dried by Joe Brainard in his I remember and by Georges Perec in his Je me souviens.

But there are no fractions, the world is an integer
Like us, and like us it can neither stand wholly apart nor disappear.
When one is young it seems like a very strange and safe place,
But now that I have changed it feels merely odd, cold
And full of interest.
--John Ashbery, "A Wave"

Sometimes I sense that to put real confidence in my memory I have to get to the end of all rememberings. That seems to say that I forego remembering. And now that strikes me as an accurate description of what it is to have confidence in one's memory.
--Stanley Cavell, The Claim of Reason

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

I remember that Mr. Hanlon, our BC calculus teacher, described Newton's invention of the calculus with reference to lots of real world examples. He said that Newton was first a physicist, then a mathematician. He gave an example one day, and then said, "So don't let anyone kid you into thinking mathematics is the exclusive province of thought." I loved that last phrase. A few days later I was at school early (Mr. Hanlon always was), and we talked a bit about math. He said that something was characteristic of mathemetics. I replied, with a slightly arch tone that would allow me to break either way and that would indicate that I was quoting him if he recognized that I was, without embarrassing him if he didn't, "Yes, the exclusive province of thought." He said, "I've always thought so," which surprised me because he was contradicting what he'd said. And yet I knew he meant it. I could have taken this as a chink in his armor, a vision of his clay feet (he was wonderful and deeply loved), but I think for the first time I realized that what looked like an inconsistency wasn't a weakness. It was range and depth, rather; and my suppression of a slight and deeply regretful impulse to feel a touch superior or more knowing in perceiving this inconsistency that he didn't was an important advance for me: it meant that I could see what was good about Mr. Hanlon beyond idealization or projection. And he was a wonder.

posted by William 6:31 PM
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